What to Say (and NOT Say) to Parents of Children with Disabilities

“I didn’t know what to say.” We hear this all the time-from general education teachers, family, even close friends who want to be supportive but freeze up in the moment. And as parents of a child with severe intellectual disability, we get it.

You don’t want to say the wrong thing. But silence? That hurts more.

At Say Hello Threads, we’re all about making these moments easier with messages that speak for you, apparel that invites inclusion and resources that help more people feel seen and supported.

So here it is a quick guide on what to say (and what not to say) to parents of children with disabilities backed by lived experience! 

✅ Say This:

1. “You’re doing an amazing job.”
Parenting is already hard. Parenting with IEP meetings, therapy schedules, and public meltdowns? Even harder. Encouragement goes a long way.

2. “Is there a way I can support you?”
Instead of assuming, ask. Every family’s needs are different sometimes it's a meal, a carpool assist, or just a safe place to vent.

3. “Your child is awesome.”
Not “brave” or “inspiring” just awesome. See their child the way they do as whole, valuable, and worthy of friendship.

4. “Hello!”
Yes, it really is that simple. Staring or avoiding sends a message. So does kindness. Just say hi. Smile. Be human.

❌ Avoid Saying:

1. “I could never do what you do.”
This might sound like a compliment, but it creates distance. Instead, try: “Your strength is incredible.”

2. “What’s wrong with them?”
Never okay. Try: “Can you tell me more about your child?” or wait until they offer details themselves.

3. “Everything happens for a reason.”
It might come from a good place, but it can feel minimizing. Go with: “I’m here for you.”

4. “He/she doesn’t look disabled.”
Disability isn’t always visible. This comment invalidates real experiences. Trust the parent. Respect the story.

Real Connection Starts with Real Words

You don’t have to have the perfect phrase. Just show up with compassion and the willingness to learn. That’s what makes the biggest difference for parents, for kids, for all of us.

Leave us a comment and let us know how you support those with disabilities in your community!